How to Have a Strong Relationship First Before Going Into Business Together

One of the best pieces of advice I can give to those in the beginning stages of their business with their other half, or those who are planning to start one, is to first solidify your personal relationship.

This is a very simple thing to say but involves a lot of deeper exploration with your spouse/partner. Having a strong relationship first ensures that the foundations of trust, communication, and accountability are well built before diving into the turbulent world of entrepreneurship. If you are ready to solidify this foundation, keep reading.

1. Love, above all else

Marriage comes first. Business comes second.

My husband and I are strong believers that our marriage builds our business. To carefully tailor how your partner wants to be loved (and so maintain that spark despite the years), pay attention to their love language.

If you are not familiar with it, the 5 Love Languages are: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, QUALITY TIME, RECEIVING GIFTS, ACTS OF SERVICE, and PHYSICAL TOUCH.

People have different desires in a relationship, and they have different ways to show it. Take the time to identify how you want to be loved, and ask your partner to do the same.

If your love language is receiving gifts, your partner can opt to give you small and thoughtful surprises. People who like receiving gifts like the thoughtfulness behind it.

Another example is, if your partner’s love language is quality time, you should be mindful of giving your partner your undivided attention when they are speaking or make sure to block out time for you to spend time together during a busy week.

When applied consistently these love languages have the ability to rebirth a stale/complacent relationship. I also recommend reading the original book written by a marriage counselor, Gary Chapman. Link here. If you want other book recommendations check out my The 8 Books Every Couple in Business Together Should Read blog.

2. Over plan and over communicate

This might come as no surprise but if you are going to build something that will last, you must have a plan. What can you do in business that your partner cannot? And vice versa.

Go through all the possible scenarios that are essential for the running of your business. Write down any problems that could arise and brainstorm solutions together.

Creating a plan of action before things even happen helps set the expectation for future ventures. It also acts as a formal agreement that you can both use as reference.

Here are some topics to get you started:

-Finances. Who will handle the incomings and outgoings?

-What is their ideal work environment when dealing with low pressure work? What is yours?

-What is their ideal work environment for high pressure work? i.e. Do they like total silence if they are working on a tight deadline? What is yours?

-How will household routines and work routines affect your day-to- day schedules?

-How are you going to work around certain commitments?

-Top skills? Weaknesses?

-Top stressors?

-What behaviors are expected and not tolerated while ‘working’?

-What triggers do they need to look out for?

-Time scheduling i.e. from “1-2pm I HAVE to do this task.”

-Boundary setting i.e. not talking about emails at the dinner table.

-How do you take breaks? How often?

-Setting formal weekly/monthly alignment meetings

While it is important to lay all expectations, know that this plan is not going to be the end-all solution. As time goes by, your circumstances and actions will change. It is important to track these using meeting notes if you are having regular meetings (which I highly encourage!).

3. Accept that they are not perfect (and neither are you)

No matter how long you have been married or in a relationship with your partner, remember that your partner’s experience isn’t yours. They function with a different set of skills, beliefs, and upbringing. There will be times that they will not meet your expectations in your relationship, and this will be the same when you are in business together.

Accepting where they may be lacking is also a good opportunity to explore where they excel. What is your partner good at that you struggle with in your relationship? Now, think of answers in a business setting.

If you feel resentment or feel the need to do ‘everything’ in the relationship or business, then it is time to evaluate yourself. Those symptoms are commonly seen in what I call ‘superhero syndrome.’

Are you worrying about the aspects of your partner you cannot control? Bring your focus back on your individual set of skills and experiences.

If you feel pressured to help your partner, it is best to avoid giving them pressure. Try putting the ball in their court with phrases like:

“Let me know if you need help.”

“I’m here if you need me.”

4. Be in the moment

Demonstrating presence sends our partner the message that we truly see them. That they are acknowledged, and that we love them. Whatever activity you may be doing, errands, a date, or brainstorming about your business goals together - be fully present and acknowledge all their opinions. Do not be quick to cut off their sentences.

Here are simple steps to be more present:

-Put your phone down during the small pockets of time you are spending alone together. Many of us have busy schedules and our phones are ringing 24/7, so switching your phone to mute and putting it face down is a helpful way to get rid of distractions. Make use of that ‘do not disturb’ feature on your phone. It is there for this very reason.

-Face your partner. Show attentive body language. Avoid fidgeting or thinking about anything other than the subject you are talking about.

-Set appropriate times to talk about future plans. No one likes business talks in the bedroom. Talk about those in the car or during a lunch break, but never in the bedroom. Simply setting time aside to be fully engaged in the activities that you are doing as a couple will instantly bring sparks back to your partnership.

5. Resolving problems - the right way

We all know that running a business will be a rollercoaster of emotion. Be prepared to feel the lows along with the highs.

Check in with how you are doing with your partner when you are unsatisfied with their behavior. Arguments often start with “But I thought you...” or “But I trusted that you...” and these are clear red flags for lack of communication.

How do you respond to these small misalignments?

If you over dramatize small hiccups, snark over little things, or belt out a big sigh constantly, then you have to practice shifting your mannerisms to match the business setting. To be an efficient colleague, you have to behave in such a way that is not demeaning or unprofessional to your partner.

If arguments in your relationship arise, just like the age old saying, never sleep on it. Chinese researchers have tested this mantra and confirmed that the "failure to suppress unwanted memories has been linked to symptoms in a number of psychiatric disorders including depression and post-traumatic stress disorder."

Lastly, look for steps you can take to resolve the issue for both of you. This is crucial: Do not tell your partner what he or she can do, but instead say what YOU can do and follow up with how they can help.

I hope you have picked up a few action items from this blog today. Remember that no matter how technical, frustrating, or busy you and your partner are (or will become) in business, there is always time to show more appreciation and love.

P.S. If you want expert advice on how to strategically plan a winning business with your partner, do not hesitate to reach out. I offer 15 minute success calls to help you move forward in your business.

About the author, Sheles Wallace

Sheles is an award-winning business coach who gets results for her clients.
For over 15 years, she has helped business owners achieve their goals and
take their businesses to the next level. If you're ready to take the next
step in your business evolution and go from an owner who wears all hats to
creating a commercial, profitable enterprise that runs without you, find out

more here: https://calendly.com/sheles/introduction?month=2021-06